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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Cooper

Can you handle a REAL man? Or just a friend with benefits?

So when was the last time that you had a REAL relationship? When was the last time that you had a good date? Better yet..when was the last time that you got some and it was actually good? If the answer is more than a few months then I need you to speak on it and continue on with what I have to say.

The modern dating scene is almost non-existent. Men want women who can "bring something to the table" while women are saying that they "are the table". There is more fighting going on talking about whom deserves what and whom deserves the best treatment. And let's not forget about sex. Sex is all mixed up in the fight about what is "great sex" and what girth size makes for a great time for women and men. Like really? This is what you're all in arms about?

So let's for a minute get rid of all the b.s. that's going around and ask yourself ladies this question: can you handle a REAL man? Like based on how you're setup right now...can you actually handle a REAL man? So that also states the question now on what is a REAL man. A REAL man is someone who is described in the Word as someone who is the head. He will protect and provide for his family. He will lead his family in all things and he will love his family as Christ loves the church. He also shows love and respect for his wife. He loves his children and he will teach them to be an example that he is so that the next generation knows how to love and treat their own offspring. Before you get all upset and say that no such man exists...there are men of this caliber. The men that are putting the Most High first and following his commandments to the best of their ability are REAL men.

Ephesians 5:22-33 "22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

Ladies this doesn't mean that a REAL man is going act and think like you do. Not at all. The biggest misconception that lots of women do is think that men are supposed to think and act like a woman does. As much as I would LOVE for my husband to think like I do...sorry to tell you but it doesn't work like that. He's a man and their thought processes are on a different level. It's hard to understand that at times but it's the truth. And trying to change a man isn't the way to go either, meaning don't try to make him think or act like you. It's a battle that you're not going to win.

For you ladies that don't want to deal with a REAL man...stop looking for him in a relationship or lack there of aka friends with benefits. Those type of relationships aren't going to work out the way that you intend for them to work. You can't go into them thinking that you're controlling them or that you won't catch feelings. You will catch feelings and whether you will admit it or don't want to share that man with someone else. Just like always...I will give you a personal example of this.

I had a "friends with benefits" situation with a man off and on for almost 10 years. Yes you heard me correctly...10 YEARS. I thought that if I didn't pry into whatever he had going on, he would see what a "good woman" I was and would finally commit to me. Problem I didn't realize was that I was doing everything all wrong. I made it completely easy for this man to use me sexually and go about his business like it was a good idea to do. During our "arrangement", he not only got to date other women and see what he wanted in a relationship, but it basically allowed him to treat me like a "doormat". It's humiliating whenever you think about it. You're basically being used for one thing and then disregarded until he feels like finding you again. And if you really think about're not winning either. Why give someone the benefit of being with you in such an intimate way and giving you nothing but emptiness in return?

Our "friends with benefits" situation ended whenever he found a girlfriend who eventually became his wife. To tell you that my feelings weren't hurt is an understatement. In fact not only did the arrangement end, but what I thought was a friendship (because we were friends first) ended as well. I was simply cutoff. Ladies how often has this happened to you? You say that you're not going to catch feelings but as soon as the arrangement ends...whether it's by mutual agreement or whether one of you ends say that the man is "trash" or that his "dick is small" or some other b.s. just so that you can feel better.

Based on the "standards" that most modern women have just for a man to date them...why don't you have those same standards for a man to sleep with you? I say this based on what I see on social media. Ladies let's do better! Let's get our standards straight and more importantly realistic! Stop asking for a REAL man yet treating him like a friend with benefits. Stop treating a friend with benefits like he's a REAL man...because a REAL man won't degrade you like that. He will want more for you and want to be the one to give you what you truly dream about and deserve.

You weren't expect that....

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Check out my podcast "Hangin with Ms. Cooper" available everywhere you listen to podcasts.

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