Updated: Feb 12
So on my personal Facebook page last week, I asked for honest opinions about the controversial subject of child support. Now when it comes to this subject this actually gets pretty heated between the parents that have to pay child support and the parents that receive child support. Everyone has a reason why they are right or why they are wrong. It's messy! It's emotional! It's dramatic for no good reason! Why? Why is something like child support so controversial and dramatic?
I'm a parent who receives child support. Now my ex and I have had to go to court to have child support established. In our case it was necessary because we had a lot of issues going on between us and to top it off we had two children to raise. He's military so he's gone 90% of the time and lives in another state so he doesn't see the kids very often either. He also makes so much more money than I do as well. All these factors mean that not only does he have to provide a certain amount of child support, but he pays MORE than most fathers. Without telling the exact amount, he pays enough that I don't have to work unless I WANT to.
Now I know that my last statement is where the controversy starts. Most men will say that I should be out working and that I shouldn't live off of the child support. I would probably even be called a gold digger or worse. I'm torn on that part though. I say that because since both kids have been born it's been a huge struggle! Not throwing excuses , but REASONS. I've had to work whatever jobs that I could for low wages. I have been limited on jobs that I could take due to child care issues. I've also had to try to work and raise both kids alone on top of trying to go to school so that I could get a better job or wages. (This was before I stopped working a regular job and started my own business.) Because my salary was so low, after I paid what I could for bills and for the kids, I literally had nothing left. And I do mean NOTHING. Child support was needed just so that I could make rent and buy food etc etc.
I bet you're thinking that I could've applied for state assistance if I was having such a hard time. I did. And I was denied. Reason being...the state where I live would count my child support income along with my own income and it would put me over the threshold for most assistance. I'm talking for food stamps or housing assistance. I had to actually make a choice between getting food stamps or daycare assistance. I couldn't afford to pay for daycare out of pocket, so I had to choose that and then just budget carefully for food. I had to find a house for rent that was under a certain amount. At one time I was living with my parents because I couldn't afford to rent a place because I didn't have enough money to afford it. Child support was most definitely needed.
In my current situation, my ex pays a decent amount of child support. He also pays for things outside the child support. If I need something and I can't afford it, he covers it, and doesn't give me attitude about it. From day one I have established with him that I don't go out and spend the money on things that are not benefiting the kids. I have used the money to pay rent, pay bills, and get whatever the kids need. I have also used the money to buy things that are needed around the house. I have even used child support to go and purchase a new lawnmower to mow my yards. I've also been encouraged by my ex to use the child support money to go and get something for myself a few times. Yes that's a true statement.
I don't agree with some of the lengths that the states will do to collect child support from the fathers who are truly trying and are in their child's life. In my opinion, if the parents get along and they are able to come to an agreement on child support, the court shouldn't be involved. When a parent has to apply for state assistance, most states now require that they file child support on the other parent before they will even qualify for the assistance like daycare or food stamps. I don't think that's right. Food and daycare costs are high enough. If single parents could afford it at cost, they wouldn't be applying for assistance. If the other parent is already contributing, why should the state have to monitor that? Go after the deadbeats that don't even contribute and haven't been around. THAT"S where the system is flawed. The good ones are paying the penalty for the bad ones.
I'm now married. Child support will still be paid by my ex even though now there will be another income in the home. My now husband isn't adopting the kids because their father is active in their lives. The amount of his child support isn't going to be affected because I'm now married. The kids will still live with me the same amount of time because of their father's work schedule. He is still gong to be providing just like he has before. Nothing about that situation is going to change. I know a lot of folks probably have issue with that too. I've named a lot of different issues as to why child support is controversial. Now here is my response to those who have issue with paying child support.
GET OVER IT! THOSE ARE YOUR OFFSPRING. DO YOUR JOB AND PROVIDE.
Just because you aren't with the other parent anymore doesn't mean that your contribution to how your child is raised and cared for changes. Stop worrying about how the money is being spent. Unless your child isn't getting the proper treatment such as adequate food, clothing, and shelter...stop worrying about where the money is going. Stop complaining about the amount that is being taken out of your check. If your'e behind, go get another job and get caught up. If you're not behind, and your'e just complaining in general...have several seats and be quiet.
Our Heavenly Father provides for us everyday. He gives us whatever is needed for us. No amount of money can comprehend the things that He provides us every day and without question or us asking. That's how much he loves us. He gave his only begotten son for us because he loved us. That was HIS sacrifice. That was his support to us. Everyday he wakes us up. He makes sure that our bodies are functioning. He makes sure that we get food, water, and things for shelter. He doesn't have a court system telling him to do that either. There is no child support order for what he does for us. A real parent does the job, no matter what the cost, no matter what the obstacles.
You weren't expecting that...
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