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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Cooper

What has happened to dating?

What happened to the infamous "old-fashion" days of dating? Where the guy would ask the girl out? There wouldn't be the question of who is paying for the date, because the guy had initiated it. There wouldn't be a question of what was expected either going forward done the line as to who is paying. Like seriously, what happened to that? Now we have men and women questioning simple courtesy about who is supposed to pay. That in itself is just causing an issue about what is really supposed to happen...which is to get to know the person you are on a date with, not who is picking up the tab.

Another question that I saw was "what happens nowadays on a date?"

Seriously?! Ummm....I thought that with a date, you go and spend time together. You are supposed to go out maybe to a nice dinner, to a movie, or even to a theme park or something. Now I know the times have certainly changed, but when did THAT (the date) become so obsolete that even a married woman, or single woman doesn't know what happens on a date? I say it like that because the person who posed this question on social media was married. Another who asked was also single. Both haven't been out of the dating game all that long, but it surprised me because I had to wonder...what do you do with your spouse? Don't you have a date night? Why aren't you going out if you don't? These were the questions that I had because as a woman who is getting ready to be married, this is what I wanted to know for my relationship. I guess what is happening on dates now is "Netflix and Chill".

If my last statement is true, then this is the sad reality of dating. Dating is supposed to be about getting to know that other person. It's also supposed to be about finding out things about the other person to see if that person will be a potential marriage partner to you. I know that some people just like to date to date, but dating is the second step in maintaining a foundation. I say the second step because establishing a friendship is the first step. Doing things out of order is why relationships these days are so messed up. You simply can't do things out of order and expect great results, especially in the game of relationships. You just can't. "Who's is wise? Let them realize the things. Who is discerning? Let them understand. The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them." -Hosea 14:9

You can't do things out of order. You can't just date someone, then be friends, then go back to dating, then expect marriage when you didn't do things right to begin with. You simply can't do that. Why start off wrong when you can do them in the proper order and end up with great results. I know that some may argue this, but in the case of relationships this is so true. The Most High clearly gave us a formula when it comes to dating. There is a proper order of things. When it comes to dating back in biblical times, men were required to pay a dowry for a woman that they wanted to court. They also had to pay the family of the woman if they wanted to marry her. If they didn't intend to marry the woman, money would also have to be exchanged as well. (Hope that clears up the matter of whom has to pay on a date because this is dating all the way back to biblical times.) Sex outside the marriage was also something that wasn't allowed unless marriage was already established. Going from my own personal experiences, I now understand why this is the case.

There is a reason for all of this order.

I know you're probably thinking, well I don't have time for all of that. Well I want you to think about it like this...since you have CLEARLY skipped a few steps...where has it gotten you? Are you where you want to be relationship-wise? For the singles reading this...are you in a good relationship or do you even have one? For the dating your relationship on the path that you want it to be? For the married your marriage where you want it to be? Did you start with step 1 and keep going? Or did you skip a few steps?

When Jacob met Rachel, he wanted to marry her. He asked her father for her hand in marriage. Her father stated that in order to marry her that he would have to work for him for 7 years before he could take that step. Working for him was step 1. Step 2 would insure that an engagement and marriage would happen. Jacob followed the order that was given to him. He worked for 7 years, but he didn't get Rachel, he got Leah. He didn't want Leah, but because she was the firstborn, that was the proper order of things in their country for the firstborn to be given first. Jacob was unaware of this order of things, but that didn't stop him. He followed the order given and he received Rachel for doing so. (Genesis 29).

Dating is a step that you simply can't skip over. It's also a step that you can't stay in either. A lot of couples now who are clearly "dating" are willing to skip over the engagement and marriage steps and move on to living together. If you mention getting engaged or married, they reply with "we're not ready for that yet." But yet you're ready to co-habitat? You're ready to share bills and household responsibilities and possible children born from this co-habitation? You want to play like an "adult" but you don't want to be an "adult"....that's what you're saying? I want you to really think about that. If you can contemplate living with your significant other, why not take the proper steps to get there?

I myself have learned the hard way about not following the proper order of steps. I would "date" and my definition of dating would be...met a to a guy or text him for a few days...invite him over..have sex...wait for a commitment that never came. I would be stuck on whether or not the guy really "liked" me based on if we had sex or how good the sex was. This cycle went on for me for YEARS. Even after I got pregnant and had my own kids, I didn't figure out that I was wrong. I was wrong because I was skipping steps. If I had been following the proper order of things, I would've first built friendships, then a dating relationship. I wouldn't have given myself away to so many different men who obviously didn't pay the price for me. I also wouldn't have had children before I was married. That would've avoided the cycle of being a single parent..etc...etc.

The Most High has a proper order for us that he wants us to follow. It's meant for our own good. If we follow his proper order, things will work out the way that we have prayed for. We will have that relationship that we have been working towards..we will have that marriage that we have been building. All the good He intended...will be exactly what we need.

You weren't expecting that...

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