So you're happily single right? You are doing your "independent woman" thing and you're "living your best life". You have a job, you have friends, your own place, maybe even a boyfriend here and there. Everything is going well for you. Single moms I haven't forgotten you either. (I have a post for you later on. ) But for your single ladies who have your life together, you got this! Life is good! Life is going great. You look good, you feel good...and now you feel ready to take your relationship with your boyfriend to the next level.
You feel like everything is going great. You get along, there isn't a lot of drama, you love each other, you want that commitment. BUT...there's an issue. This nagging thing that keeps popping up and it just won't go away. Anytime that you bring it up, it starts an argument and then you both feel bad and don't want to speak to each other. It's silly really but you feel that if it's not addressed, then you can't move forward to the next phase of the relationship.
The issue at hand...he makes YOU sit in the backseat...but his MOTHER sits up front with him.
How dare he?! WTF? WHY?! I"M HIS WOMAN! SHE CAN SIT IN THE BACK! I"M NOT DOING THIS SHIT! WHAT"S HER PROBLEM?! HE"S MY MAN! SHE NEEDS TO REMEMBER HER PLACE! SHE NEEDS TO FALL BACK!!!!!
Any of these sound familiar? Do you agree with any of these? If you do...well here's what I need to say to you: "YOU NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF!"
Ladies, let me explain something to you. If you're currently the girlfriend in a relationship and you've got a problem with your man putting his mother before you...you clearly don't know the order of things. Before you get yourself in a bunch about what I'm saying..let me back it up for you and explain. The Bible (for you who actually READ it) clearly states the natural order of things when it comes to relationships. There is a certain order in which relationships work for them to succeed. Ephesians 5:31-"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh." (Bible, KJV)
Ladies, if you're a girlfriend..you don't get WIFE privileges. Sorry to burst your bubble on that one. (Actually I'm not.) If a man is putting his mom before you...HE"S NOT WRONG! You may feel some sort of way about that and that's your right. But when you get out of your feelings about it, then you need to think about it like this: How he treats his mother is a reflection on how he's going to treat you, and any future daughters he may have with you. Do you want a man who disrespects his mother? Do you want a man who would disrespect you? Because when you get mad at a man for clearing honoring and respecting his mom...that's exactly what you're asking for in a relationship.
Now you may bring up the women who don't have a man and depend on their sons a LOT. You feel that they are meddling in your relationship and that your man is acting like a "mama's boy." Let me break some science off for you once again. According to the Bible, in the Old Testament it's clearly written that if a woman's husband dies, his brother is supposed to marry the widowed wife and produce an heir so that his brother's bloodline can continue. A woman isn't supposed to be without a covering (head which is the husband). But obviously in today's society, that doesn't happen. If it did, we wouldn't have so many single -parent households. When a single mom is depending on her son for her needs such as yard work, fixing things around the house, or getting around in general...there's nothing wrong with that at all. That man is honoring his mother and taking care of her until he finds wife. When that man finds a wife and MARRIES her, then he leaves his mother to care for his own household. Only then does the wife take priority over the mother.
What about in the case where the man wants to still keep caring for his mother? He still does it because he's still honoring his mother. A wife who understands how The Most High created us and the proper order of things understands that and isn't threatened by it. For this, I'll use my own marriage as an example. My husband and I have been married for a year now. He has mentioned to me more than one occasion that he wants to move his mom to our home so that we can take care of her. He grew up in a single parent household after his parents split up. He's seen first-hand how his mother struggled to raise both him and his brother. My husband loves his mom and just wants the best for her. I understand this and as his wife, I'm supportive of this.
You may be thinking 'it makes a difference if you get a long with is mom verses if you didn't. ' And you're right, it does make a HUGE difference. But ladies, you already know that most mothers can see right thru you if you're being 'fake', 'rude', or just straight 'childish.' And if they can see that in you, they don't want that for their sons. That's the honest truth. If you're being genuine and respectful, then there's no reason why you can't get along with him mom. If his mom is just plain mean and spiteful...address it with your husband, so he can handle his mother. But don't disrespect her or try to downgrade her place before you are a wife. Girlfriends and baby mamas really get their places confused when it comes to wife privileges. So let me give it to you in terms you can easily understand going forward.
1. Wife
2. Mother
3. Girlfriend/Baby Mama
Ladies as you see if you're a girlfriend...you are at the bottom and don't rank above his mom until he marries you. Only then will you outrank and then you have a right to get upset about being in the front seat of the car. But in closing...if you're really going to start an argument about who sits shotgun in a car...maybe you shouldn't be married and you should be getting some lessons in respect and decorum.
You weren't expecting that....
Like my content?! Then help a sista out and donate to my show! Hit the donate button!
Check out this post and others on my website www.hanginwithmscooper.com
Check out my podcast "Hangin with Ms. Cooper" on Apple Podcasts, iHeart Radio, Spreaker, Spotify, Amazon, and Youtube. New episodes drop every week.
Also check out my online radio station Mocha Inspirations Radio. You can listen on www.inspiringconnectionsmedia.com or download the Spotify app and look for Mocha Inspirations.
Want to be a guest on the show? Email me!