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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Cooper

Why You're Not Married....When You Subscribe to Dysfunction

Black couple arguing
Are you always running off at the mouth with your guy?

This generation of men and women are something else! Men are upset with women because they

want to be "independent." Women are upset with men because they claim that men are "dogs" or "no good." The battle of the sexes is at an all time high. Why?! Why is there so much disconnect? Why is there so much dysfunction when it comes to getting to "happily ever after?"

Could it be that why you're not married is because you like to subscribe to dysfunction? Yes Dysfunction. You know when you rather do what's popular instead of what's right. When you rather follow the advice of your single friends who can never keep a relationship, instead of working it out with your significant other. Or when you rather be an "independent woman" instead of being in a relationship that is in need of repair. You know...THAT type of dysfunction.

Ladies, how often have you been outright disrespectful of your man? What I mean by disrespectful is by cutting him off, bad mouthing him to your friends, or simply calling him names or giving him attitude because he didn't know or do something that you didn't like? Or how many times have you fought with him over something minor ? I.E. over his phone or him going to spend time with his friends? Or how often have you allowed yourself to be disrespected? Meaning you're allowing your standards to sink as far as how you're letting a man treat you? Calling you a bitch or a hoe? Allowing him to cuss you out or cheat on you? Accepting less than what you deserve?

Overall as a society we have ALL subscribed to dysfunction. Our standards for almost everything have dropped to all time lows. We think that disrespect is the standard.

Example: Side chicks have become the standard of what some women aim to be! Women are openly appreciating or glorifying women for sleeping with another woman's man..especially if he's married! Or men are glorified for going after a married woman and sleeping with her disrespecting her husband. What we see in society now is that the person who's cheating is given a pass! The husband/wife whom is getting hurt is actually BLAMED for the affair instead of being seen as the victim. We saw this in the tv show "Scandal" where Olivia Pope was having an affair with the President. Viewers across the country were cheering her on instead of acknowledging that SHE WAS WRONG! The First Lady was actually the victim, but she was being portrayed as someone who deserved to be cheated on! 1 Cor. 15:33 "Be not deceived; evil communications corrupt good manners." (KJV)

When you subscribe to dysfunction you are functioning in literal crap. Seriously. Social media is the biggest pool of disfunction. We all contribute to it and we all support it. I'll provide a personal example of what I saw on my own social media feed. One of my family members posted a status about an incident he had at a fast food restaurant. He described how he openly disrespected the woman whom brought him his food. He was rude to her when money was blown out of his hand. The server didn't catch the money before it blew away from him and her. My relative looked at her and said "I hope you don't expect me to get out of the car and go get it." The response on his post was laughter. I wasn't amused by this and neither were a few others whom actually work in the food service industry. It was rude and unnecessary. When I spoke with this relative about his post, he clued me in on what had transpired that he didn't write about in the post. He stated that when she approached the car with his food, that she was on her phone. He didn't like that. He also stated that she had a tone when repeating back his order to him. So because he didn't like how she approached him, he decided to return her rudeness with rudeness, rather than report her to her boss. The Bible clearly tells us how to handle matters like this. Eph. 5:11 states: "Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkeness, but instead expose them." My relative didn't like that I exposed his behavior to him in a negative light, BUT thought that since people including a pastor's wife had laughed...that he was in the clear. Again...subscribing to dysfunction.

Always doing this? This won't help your situation if you're not open to listening. often do you NOT listen to your man? Meaning you rather do things on your own and not let him do anything for you? You got the got the got the simply don't NEED him! Sad to say...but if you keep telling him that you don't NEED him...this is exactly why you will stay single. This is exactly why you can't keep a relationship and saying that you're "stuck in your ways" is why you wont' achieve that relationship status that you want. When you come out of your stubbornness for a minute...hear me out. Relationships take work. Work is really hard to do when you're constantly arguing or giving your man attitude. I know personally that when I started acting that way towards my husband...he didn't respond well. As always I'll give a personal example for transparency.

Last year I was sick...VERY SICK. I had a life threatening condition that I didn't know I had. I had pain that I kept ignoring. Part of that was because at the time..I was a single mom on a limited budget. I also wasn't trying to be a burden on my then fiancee'. We were saving for a wedding, we were planning when he was moving to where I lived..and I frankly didn't have the time to deal with it. Well the pain had been happening off and on for a year and I didn't go the dr. Well about a month after we got married...I collapsed. My husband rushed me to the hospital and I spent a week there. One of my kidneys was in trouble. I could've died because I was on that "independent woman/I got this attitude" and it was very selfish of me. Not only did I make a bad decision of not confiding in my husband, but I could've left him widowed and my kids without their mom. After 2 major surgeries, I'm now on the mend recovering. But my lack of confidence in my relationship to being vulnerable and not sharing a personal struggle nearly cost me my life AND my relationship. Not only was my husband worried, but he was more than upset with me because I didn't trust him like I should've. often are you guilty of this because you "got it?" Like truly think about that.

Unsubscribe from dysfunction for moments like this.

Dysfunction happens anytime and anywhere. You don't have to keep adding to it with your own drama or mishaps. When you put the work into your relationships...they flourish. When you don't go by petty standards and actually do the mature approach..or most importantly the Biblical will see that your relationship will be not only in a better place...but you feel better too. Love doesn't have to be complicated or messy. You don't have to let dysfunction rule over your life especially your relationship. You want that ultimate goal of being married? Stop subscribing to dysfunction and watch what happens.

You weren't expecting that...

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