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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Cooper

Why You're Not're part of the "Pick Me" generation


When I tell you that today's post is going to be a good one..."Please Believe Me!" (in my Jodie's mama voice). Cause honey these terms are taking me out! So right before I decided to sit down and write this post, I was doing my usual social media scrolling in my groups. And I come across a post talking about "Pick Mes". And I have to tell you that it not only caught my attention, but it got me to really thinking about why these women feel so strongly about this term. I read about 100 different interpretations of the term, and the long and the short of it...these women are NOT for women who actually agree with a man's point of view.

So you mean to tell me that it's a problem to have "standards"? It's a problem to agree with men on relationship type behavior or what they want in a woman? It's a problem to agree with a man wanting to have a woman who is "bare-foot and pregnant?". It's a problem to have a problem with women who think that women degrading themselves is an issue? It's a problem to want to have women think better for themselves? It's a problem to hold a woman accountable for her actions? I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what I'm taking from it. If this is indeed wonder you ladies are where you are in life. That's not a put down by the way. It's a simple observation especially when it comes to relationships. Some of ya'll get it, some of ya'll still need some work to do in order to get it.

Now don't think that I have a problem with single women who think like this. I honestly don't. I was single at one point and I had some of these same thought processes. But I also realized that those thought processes were holding me back in more than just the relationship aspect of life. It was holding me back in how I thought about my life going forward. I was applying that same thought process to other aspects of my life and was making my life a lot more difficult than it had to be. When I started thinking differently, things got a little bit easier for me. But it wasn't an overnight process either. I had to try and try again over and over again just to make sure that I got what I needed.

Ladies, you all who are of the "pick me" mentality, I need you to understand something. Agreeing with a man isn't a bad thing. In fact you wouldn't exist if your mother disagreed with a man. If your own parents didn't agree to create you (meaning sex of course) then you wouldn't be here. Neither would your best friend or mentor or whomever you have come to know in your life. What is so hard about coming together with the opposite sex that you find offensive? I really need to know the answer to that question. Does it make you feel like you can't coexist? Does it make you feel like you are less than worthy in some way?

You want to find your "soul mate" or your "equal". How can you do that when you're literally fighting him tooth and nail or just want to be "right" ALL THE TIME? Let that marinate for a minute. There's a time to be right and there's also a time to be wrong too. As always I'll give a personal example. My husband and I have a pretty decent relationship. We have our days where we are all "lovey dovey" towards one another. And we have days where we are at each other's throats. Sometimes he's right and sometimes I'm right. We had a fight a few days ago and it turned out that I was correct. But in order for me to be correct, I had to go and do my research. I had to get out of my feelings to find the answer. Now not only did I go and tell my husband that I was correct but I also pointed out where he was wrong. Unfortunately, he didn't take to being wrong. But he didn't try to make me feel less of a woman for being wrong or being right. I also didn't make him feel less of a man either when I pointed out that he was wrong. I simply repeated something that someone else had already stated to him, and reminded him that it could have bad implications if he didn't get it taken care of. It was in relation to our fight and afterwards, he didn't say much. It wasn't because he felt defeated, he understood that I wasn't trying to tear him down. I was simply trying to verify a point. Afterwards we were on better terms and it was settled.

It IS possible to be right and to be wrong without being known as a "pick me". Since I know a lot of you will disagree with me, let me just be as blunt as possible. You won't get married thinking this way. You won't get married tearing a man down every chance that you get. You won't get married speaking feminism and "independent" woman every chance you get to a man either. Eventually he will grow irritated with it and move on to the next. And you will repeat your cycle of "men ain't spit" or "I don't need a man", all the while you're hurting and feeling rejected. Just stop it. Please just stop it.

Your'e worth more than that. You're better than that. You CAN do better than that. Just because you share the same mindset in some things with a man doesn't mean that you're less of a woman. Just because you want more from life doesn't mean that you are less than a woman or desperate for a man's attention. If you want a good a good example of a good woman. Be confident in yourself . Be at peace with yourself. Be worthy of that man's attention so that he wants to make you his bride. When I say the Most High will bring that man to you...he will...but you gotta get yourself out of your own way.

You weren't expecting that.....

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