Updated: Oct 19
The ENTITLEMENT is REAL! We are definitely in the age of these new age men and women. When I tell you that whenever I look on social media these days, it makes me exhausted...that's not even the half of it! I mean I have to mentally take breaks because this mess is becoming more and more toxic by the day. The one constant that I can count on whenever I'm doing my social media scrolling is how much these women nowadays just dislike or just want to have men...but don't want to do their part whenever it comes to maintaining keeping that man.
So the biggest thing I really see in my social media groups is women complaining about how they work and have to do housework. Their man whether it be a boyfriend, fiancé or husband will also be working. Yet whenever they come home...the man will come home and rest while the woman will have to come home and tend to housework plus the kids after completing her own 8-10 hour shift at work. These women will complain about how the man will not do certain household chores or watch his own kids while she's trying to get work done. The man will go out or he will do outside work, but won't help with the housework or the kids as often as the woman would like. They feel like they are "unappreciated" or "under valued" and turn to social media for validation in their feelings. And boy do they get it! Women will come together on these platforms and bash men stating that they are "toxic" or "a narcissist" because he has argued about this or asserts his authority on the matter. Even worse, these women will encourage other women to break up their relationships over matters like this, or play petty games in order to get their way.
So my question to you ladies is this...Is this how a Proverbs 31 woman is supposed to act? I don't need to tell you the answer to that question. You know what it is. You also know that what happens in these groups is just wrong. Encouraging another woman to be volatile to her man over something like household chores is stupid and childish. It's another reason why there are so many singles and breakups..and also a reason for cycles like cheating. You're your own worst enemy ladies!
Proverbs 31:10-31 :"10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."~KJV
So to break it down for you in English for you...if you're striving to be that of a Proverbs 31 woman...You're SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALL! Meaning that you're supposed to run your household and make sure it's clean. You're supposed to go out and work (if you choose) or run a business. You're supposed to tend to your kids while your husband is working. You're supposed to make sure that your husband is good. It's a full-time job. It's the words that are in the Bible which is from the Most High. This is a clear example of what a woman is supposed to do. Many women will walk around here and claim to be a good woman and want to strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman to attract a good man. But as you see...she was a hard worker. She had to earn being blessed and praised. It wasn't just given to her because she demanded it. She didn't get the blessings because she was a burden to her husband. She got up and EARNED IT.
I know that my words will be accompanied with LOTS of discord and disagreement. But it's facts upon facts. Ladies do you forget that your man works too? He goes out into this world and he works to provide for not just himself but for you too. For your family that you have established together. A man's stress isn't a woman's stress. It's a different type of stress. There are more expectations on that man than what he will ever talk about...what he will ever share with you and what the world as a whole will put on him in a way that is different from your own. I'm not saying that it minimizes yours...because it doesn't. But you have to stop thinking that a man is just coming home to do nothing for no good reason.
My husband currently works 10 hours on a government job. He's at work from 6AM until 4:30 PM. He also works a gig job occasionally for extra income. If he does that side hustle...then he's working an additional 3-4 hours before coming home for the day. So let's just say he's working 14 hour days. He's TIRED! He's not only dealt with the stress of his main job for 10 hours...but he's had to deal with the stress of the side job on top of that. Mentally and physically he needs a break. Housework isn't on his mind or agenda. He just wants to rest so he can start over and do it all again. And let's not forget the b.s. that can happen on either or both jobs that he's got to deal with. Then comes home to you and your family and if there's chaos going on...it's A LOT. And because he's a man...he's expected to provide NO MATTER WHAT. Why? Because society as a whole has made sure that if he slacks...he's called trifling...even if he's just in desperate need of a break.
Women are in a whole other category whenever it comes to work and time management. We also don't get off days. We have to be on call 24/7 for kids...crisis...encouragement...chaos...messes...and that's just in the house. If we work outside the house we have to manage our time on the job and then have to leave the job if something at the home requires our immediate attention. Men rely on us to keep it together (meaning the home) but somewhere along the way we have been taught that the man needs to handle the home too. Meaning the housework and the daily tasks. So if you feel that way...wouldn't that disqualify you from being considered a "Proverbs 31 woman"? Because clearly what you're saying and expecting isn't lining up with the standards of what is clearly written out for the Proverbs 31 woman.
Ladies...you want your man to help with housework? Talk to him about it. If he's too busy to contribute..consider hiring help. If you
can't afford hiring help...make a schedule for housework. Not everything has to be one in one day. I myself was feeling like I was drowning in housework at some point. It seemed never ending. You know what I did? As my children got older....I delegated chores for them to do. I created a chore chart in our home. Each child was given a set schedule for what chores needed to be done and on which day. And it was the same chores...not a lot. They are responsible for cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom...feeding their pets...and keeping their rooms clean. The bathroom is set to be cleaned 3x a week. They alternate who washes dishes and feeds the pets. A simple schedule and they both have benefited from it. It has freed me up from having to do certain household chores. I now have time to focus on work and have a little bit of time to myself whenever I need it.
In the meantime...if you are going to fuss about your man not doing housework...don't call yourself a Proverbs 31 woman..You're not it sis...
You weren't expecting that...
*Check out my podcast "Hangin with Ms. Cooper" available on Apple, Google, Spotify, Amazon and wherever you listen to podcasts.